Page dated 1/10/98

I dreamt I was in a church. It seemed I owned it. The pews were empty and I was plannng or thinking about getting seat cushions to make the attendees more comfortable. There seemed to be four apartments attached to the back of it. I think I was going to live in one of them. I got the sense it wasn’t going to function as a church but was more of a place to gather for workshops. Joe woke me up.

Dreamer’s comments: Again no notes. Around that time, I believe I was looking for income property. I don’t recall looking at a space comparable to what was in my dream.  I ended up with an upper/lower duplex house.



Page dated 11/20/97

I dreamt I was going to have sex with this woman. I don’t know who she was. We were in a big building that reminded me of a bank. We were in the upstairs part. We were just wearing these things that looked lke towel wraps. We heard someone coming up/down the stairs and slipped down this little hall. We were staying tight against the wall. We were looking down through this doorway into a big room that looked lke some sort of well appointed board room or conference room. She handed me this big hard penis. A real penis. She asked me to hold it. The minute I took it, it seemed to start to leak and grow flaccid. I tried to hold it very still but it kept leaking and I was afraid she wold be mad at me because it wasn’t hard anymore. She had disappeared. I looked down and found hat I had a penis of my own. It was very limp and very very small… like a limp sweet gherkin pickle in size compared to the one she had given me which was big like a giant normal sized hard penis The next thing I knew we were sitting on a little hill. lke a dike watching a soccer game or something still wrapped in our towels. I woke up.

Dreamer’s comments: No idea. Nothng on the page in the way of interpretation. My first guess here is that it had something to do with being capable/potent  or not being capable/impotent. Pretty weird.


11/15/97 (Nap dream)

I dreamt I kept sneaking into the neighbor’s house/garage for something.  Once when I came back home, the TV was on and I  couldn’t figure out how to turn it off.  The phone rang.  It was Matthew (Tony Capito’s grandson telling me he was going away and would not see me for awhile.  I thought that add.

Dreamer’s comments:  No notes on page.  Odd dream.  I don’t know Tony’s grandson enough to where he would call me and tell me such a story.

Page dated 11/13/97

I dreamt Abby was taking me to a dance at her school.  She said she wanted me to be her partner.  They were pairing people.  I was looking forward to who I might get adult wise.  I woke up.

Dreamer’s comments:  I have always loved to dance.  And I do  like to dance with my daughter.  I obviously woke up before I was assigned an adult partner.  But even now I like this dream!

Page dated 10/30/97

I felt quite ‘out of it’ and lay down to take a nap. I had to ask Spirit to slow down a number of times today so that I could keep up. I dreamt that I got into a truck or a utility van of some sort. There seemed to be 2 or 3 children (my ideas or projects?) that got into the back. The vehicle started moving although I was not conscious of stepping on the accelerator and had no control of the speed. I was so close to the dash I could not lift my legs high enough to step on the clutch or the brake. We were driving through some inside place, like a parking ramp sort of but there were no other cars and it had a bowling alley like atmosphere. We were going down hill and sometimes there would be suprising sharp drops and sometimes corners unexpected but I managed to steer safely all the way through. No problem! Then I woke up still very groggy. We ended up in a very large very well lit room. Very Big. There seemed to be elevaotrs in it.

Dreamer’s Notes: In my head I heard (I am Spirit.) All I have is yours. All you see is mine. It seems no matter what I may be confronted with, I will handle it just fine. Not sure, but believe this is a Harrison song.


Page dated 10/23/99

Part I

I was going to work at a new job in Hamburg. I could drive my rattletrap car on a very extensive and intricate road system. I knew the way but was leary of whether my car would make it. OR I could take the boat which would be a nice smooth ride and faster only I knew wouldn’t have a car when I got to Hamburg. I elected to take the boat only I was having a hard time finding the dock. There were may paths going to many different docks. They wound down long halls and around pillars which were very poorly marked. I went down the wrong path and when I came back to the beginning, found they only spoke Japanese and I had to go even further back to find someone who who spoke English who pointed me right back where I had been. I returned and was trying to find the right signs when I woke up

Part II

I then dreamt I went to the booth in the parking lot and when they brought me my car it was rand new. No problem going to Hamburg now!

Dreamer’s comments:  There is nothing on the page.  No notes or observations.  My brain is not working properly.  I know I am supposed to write what I think this means, but the whole idea eludes me.  For some reason, nothing is making much sense to me at the moment  Oh dear….


Page dated 10/22/97

I had to slam on my brakes really hard to avoid hitting a car in front of me. It was dark and possibly raining. The jar to my body that occured when I slammed on the brakes woke me up.

Dreamer’s comment: There are no notes on the page. I would guess there was something going on that I needed to bring to a halt before someone got hurt. 20 years ago… hmmmm… I can barely remember yesterday!!! LOL!


mid 80’s musings

There are certain times in life when nature – human or otherwise – forces a hole to open up inside a person.

Emotions and feelings – good and bad – go flying out into the universe. There follows a mad scramble. A scramble to retrieve those feelings and emotions, especially the good ones.

Sometimes great energy is expended in the form of irrational behavior like worry, misunderstanding or guilt in the quest for gathering those old feelings. But they are gone now for good. Lost in space and time.

There is now a huge gaping hole. An emptiness that must be filled. Sometimes a person doesn’t know that and scrambles ever after the old.

I know… I understand…. I hope my initial scramble hasn’t jeopardized a friendship.

In the meantime, I’ll search for the new feelings and emotions to fill in and complete me. No more scrambling.


Today’s postscript: I guess I must have been finding it hard to let go of something back then. Funny how life is, isn’t it. Strange as it seems, I don’t have to really deal with ‘holes’ any more but I do remember how they felt. They left me feeling utterly alone and depleted. I do not believe that age has made me invulnerable to ‘holes’. But I do believe I have a whole different perspective on what they are exactly and a new arsenal of weapons for handling them.


Page dated 4/9/82

It is April, 1982, and I am at the EST training at Centennial College in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. It is the first weekend and we are encouraged to choose something we don’t like about ourselves and journal about it. We are then to tell ourselves we will dream about the same subject that night.  I choose crying and journal the following:

I cry easily. Whenever I got hurt when I was little, physically or emotionally, I would cry which is, I guess, a small child’s natural reaction. My mother would say “Stop crying” or “Big girls don’t cry” or sometthing to the same effect and if I didn’t she’d say it again only louder. And of course, the harder I tried to stop, the harder, I’d cry. Consequently, I was labeled a ‘crybaby’ and whenever I am hurting now, tho I may try hard not to cry, I do and because “big girls don’t cry” and I am a ‘crybaby’, I always try to hide it and end up feeling guilty or sinful for it.

That night I had the following dream: I am two in the dream. One participant and one looking in on it. It is dark out. There is a traffic circle. I notice up above there is bright light and that by following the circle I will spiral up and end up in that light. There are purple and green flashing people. Green means go, purple means stop. I notice I look green and keep moving until I pass this guy eating an apple whereupon I turn purple. I keep wondering what I have to do to get green again so I can up into where it is light.

Dreamer’s Notes: On the page I have added a note that I feel like I finally figured out why I cry. I have been operating under the premise that I ‘shouldn’t’ cry but that really it is okay if I do. Maybe giving myself permission to cry will allow me to witness it without judgment??? (be in the light)

Writer’s comments: This is so interesting to me. I remember the EST training. I remember staying with a woman who lived nearby the venue and she gave me this ginormous bed to sleep in. I vaguely remember the next day I could not wait to ‘share’ my dream with the other participants. I had been silent the whole first day and knew if I didn’t say something the second, I would suffer the consequences. That’s how EST was. I did share it and was spared public humiliation.  Also in hind sight now, I notice a biblical reference which is that just as Adam/Eve suffered for eating an apple, seeing that same act prevented me fom entering into the light???  So perhaps I equated crying as a sin just as eating that apple was for A&E.


Page dated 7/15/95

Dreamt I was playing baseball somewhere else in the cosmos.

Seemed to be experiencing telepathic thinking/conversing etc. Noticed it can’t be controlled. One must weed out unkind thoughts with meditation and conscious attention.

Time seemed to be collapsing. Dimensions were merging. I saw angels, UFO’s, Visions etc. and wondered if they were tools to aid awakening?

I would wake and sleep and wake and sleep….

Ruminations: I wonder if we put too much emphasis on the physical? I wonder if there isn’t agreement beween someone like a J. Dahmer and his victims, to commit their acts in order to impact on a greater number… to give them the oppotunity to NOT JUDGE and to become more conscious of their thoughts and more in touch with their feelings. Yes, a physical body is the greatest gift bcause it is the greatest way to learn these lessons and probably others.

That’s because it can reduce down to the physical level, a vey limited level to create on an individual and a collective level in areas where improvement needs to be made/learned. In other words, one decides what his objectives are on earth. If many many many souls – millions – decide that nonjudgement needs to be learned individually and collectively, wouldn’t it make more sense that a Dahmer and his victims appear to give us the opportunity to learn those things through their actions. One must remember that each advancement of one advances the whole. If Dahmer and his victims are waiting on us to learn this, what better way to bring it to our attention then to create that knd of “outrage” and “judgement” in so many people. If it advances me, which I think it does, I can easily forgive them and others like them. I can’t help but think how strikingly this parallels the Jesus Christ murder and the results of same.

Dreamer’s comments: Holy Shit. I remember this sleepless night like it was yesterday. It was all brought on by the Jeffrey Dahmer murders and cannibalism crime that was happening at the time. I went to bed wondering why things liked that happened and woke up with a half-way plausible reason and could not wait to get to work the next day to discuss it with my friend. Do you see what I was/am getting at here?