Page dated 11/7/98

I dreamt of what looked like a yellow rose. It had three faces, all male. I recognized one of them at first as being me. Then the closer I looked, I realized the other two faces were mine also but represented different aspects of my self. I thought the rose was beautiful and it “touched” me but the longer I looked at it the more I realized there was much more than those three aspects of self but that these were the three responsible for the most part right now for creating my own prison. I still found it beautiful and wondered how I could prune it in such a way that it would be encouraged to spread and get outside it’s self or enclosure.

Dreamer’s Comment: Seems like I am looking for ways to grow.

Page 11/3/98

There were many dead bodies lying in the side door landing where I was living. One of them had been “special” to me. A man I think. I maybe knew three of them. The rest I didn’t. There were maybe 8 or 10 of them. Joe brought Abby and one of her friends home and right in the side door and showed them. I don’t know how they died or why they were in my house. I seemed to be waiting for the coroner to come and take them away. Next I was at a crossroads with an island in the middle – all way stop – I could see the big stop signs. There is a house on the island. Small. I know who lives there and haven’t seen them in a while so I go to the door. No answer. So I go in and that person is dead too. I call the police. I feel responsible as if I could have prevented the death If I’d arrived earlier. (In the margins – I feel like all the bodies represented parts of me that have died off or that I have let go of. Then I thought maybe they represented old relationships. The big stop signs I feel were significant. They had a message but stop what??? The last body may be the last part of me dying. I don’t realize it yet – or might represent the death of some relationship or way of being which would also explain the big stop signs.)

Dreamer’s Comments: I think I “got it”!

Page dated 6/21/95

My boyfriend/husband/lover (I don’t know if it was Joe or not) hatched a plan for me to steal $500,000 from my sister, Susan, and I did.  Afterwards and before she knew it, I kept fishing around from various people to find out if she knew it yet.  I felt horribly guilty.  Before that, I remember my “b-friend” stealing a bunch of balloons from someone (a kid?).  They were worth a lot I believe.  (Strange – parallel life??  If so, I’m not proud but there must be a lesson here somewhere!)

Dreamer’s comment:    Jeepers I had this dream almost 20 years ago.  I don’t even remember it but I feel guilty again just reading it!  And here is the funny part…  I have since learned that these things really have no worth at all so the lesson is in the feelings of guilt which obviously STILL have power for me.  Now THERE is a revelation! 

Page dated 6/15/95

 

Joe was driving a very small car.  I was sitting in the front passenger seat.  Three kids were rollerblading.  A young girl skated in front of us and Joe drove the car right between her legs and pushed her down the road.  Then I broke my glasses down the middle of one of the lenses.  I wanted to go to a one-day shop to fix them.  Joe didn’t think they would really be able to.    Then there were a bunch of kids making fun of Joe.  They were all around him.  One in particular noted Joe’s painted nails.  But the Kids’ nails were painted just like Joe’s so I couldn’t understand how they could make fun of him.  They drove Joe off and I hid in a corner and cried because I could not see well.  I wanted Joe to come find me.  (I believe that Joe represents the spiritual.  I believe the crowd of kids represents my current confusion.  My broken glasses represent the fact that I have half the story but not all and that if I put them on I would see half of it.  Standing in the corner crying is a plea for help – for a teacher to show me the right way FOR ME..  I believe “for me” may be the key words here)

Dreamer’s comments:  This sounds just like me.  I was always looking for “a teacher”  This dream makes me laugh today! 

Page dated 8/7/00

#1  Something about a tower being built by two men out of what looked liked puzzle pieces.  The outside looked like cow skin – spotted black on white.  It was next to a church steeple.  They were trying to go that high.  It collapsed in on itself and the two men working on it fell with it.  No one was hurt I don’t think.

#2  Something going on onstage.  A competition – adults and children- performing individually and as teams.  One act had small babies in it each painted a primary color it seemed.  I was downstairs from the stage.  At one point someone had taken all the spoons from the drawer on stage and brought them down to feed the babies.  There was a girl performing on stage who would need the spoons in her act.  Part of the performance required her to dry the dishes and put them away.  As she put the other silverware away, she would slam each piece into the drawer trying to tell whoever took the spoons to bring them back.  I felt like I may have been the girl slamming the silver performing.  I also felt like I was above her watching.  But I was also at the same time entrusted with the care of all the babies.  I was in a room downstairs with each baby in a carriage.  I was trying to keep each baby in motion a little so they would remain quiet and sleep and wishing the person on stage (me?) would quit making so much noise slamming the silverware.  I woke up.  (I think this new age spirituality – this Neal Donald Walsch stuff for example – this whole movement – I think that is just like religion.  Each wants to give you the rules for living “properly” – ie. mediate, eat right, don’t smoke, go to church on Sunday, blah, blah, blah – these are all wonderful examples of personal religion.  It works for the person or group who thought it up and organized it.  Little bits of each work for me, but I have my own relationship with the God within me – I listen to Him and since I’ve learned to listen to Him I let Him be my guide.  No one else.  I am happy basically.  So I am perfect just the way I am.  God is with me..  is me… just as I am  I need do nothing.)

Dreamer’s comments – #1 is so interesting in that there is a “tower” being built in competition with a church steeple…. (of puzzle pieces presumably made of new ideas)   #2… Also kind of a reflection of all the “stuff” that is out there trying to sell us on “the right way” to live.. to find peace, etc.  So many babies…  so many new ideas being put forth…  To listen to all would create chaos and confusion when the answer is always right inside. 

Page dated 7/30/00

I dream of a sea wall.  It goes as far as the eye can see.  People are lined up against it, me included.  I am trying to get a place next to “the girls”, Katie and Debbie and such.  Behind me on the other side of the sea wall are “book shelves” – thousands of them – all empty.  A man is measuring the people to see how many can fit on a shelf.  (This is all about picking Abby’s friends – or so it would seem/feel like.  It seems to me I’ve been dwelling on how “bad” she is and metaphysically speaking it would be better to dwell on how “good” she is.  Time for a new view.  I’m beginning to think all this “spiritual” new age stuff is crap!  That’s something when you consider I’ve been “into it” for probably 30 years.  It’s just another religion in the end (someone else’s rules!)  What I really believe in is what’s in MY heart.  Therein lies truth.  At least MY truth.  Therein lies love.  Therein lies power.  Therein lies God.  Interesting.  Took me half a lifetime – possibly more depending on when I kick – to “get” that!)

Dreamer’s comment:  This whole dream is such an interesting one for me to come across today.  I am reading a book that encourages me to think about God as I know Him/Her/???.    In my life I have spouted so many theories on this very subject.  Now this begs a very personal question…  how do I know God???  Not in theory, but personally.  Great path to wander down!

Page dated 5/23/00

I was trying to put some files in order.  I went to Dan Hollamby and asked him in what order they went.  He was really sort of snotty giving me the impression he had better things to do and wouldn’t help me.  I was feeling sort of lost but remembered there were examples from the last time it had to be done in some books in a cabinet.  The cabinet was near Claudia and didn’t get moved when I had moved.  Just then Dan came back to explain things to me.  Afterwards I went and got the books anyways and told Claudia I’d have someone move the cabinet.  It seemed to be cramping her space but she didn’t seem to mind.  It may have been dividing her from someone else.

Next I was in a car driving down the road.  I may have been pregnant.  I’m not sure.  Then I was in a parking lot next to a park.  I had a bag of apples, a baseball and a bag of onions.  I dropped them.  There were 2 or 3 couples there.  A man asked if he could play with my baseball and I said yes.  It felt like I had just picked the apples and onions or something.  While I was picking them up, I noticed one of the onions was hollow.  There was just a thick outer layer – no onion inside.  I put them in bags and the bags in the car.  I asked the guy for my baseball back.  He put it in his bag and walked away.  I felt like his girlfriend wanted to say something to him – tell him to give my  my ball back – but she didn’t.  I didn’t argue.  I just left without it.  He had put it into a clear bag with some others he already had.  I woke up feeling bummed.

Dreamer’s comments:  Hmmm…  The first dream is clearly a reference to a job I had.  I’m thinking it indicates not Dan’s lack of being willing to help, but more of his unwillingness to get involved in office shenanigans which would be typical.    The second dream is a puzzle.  Apples (sweet/sour), onions (many layered – one hollow) and a baseball which was taken from me.  Might they represent different new people in my  life since they seemed freshly picked?  Does the baseball represent the loss of an old friend?  Just talking here…  Anybody else got any ideas?

Page dated 5/3/00

There was a store (new?).  The front porch/door were high up off the ground.  They sold ornamental sculptural room trim and organs I think.  Wood floors inside.  Shakee and Leslie may have owned it.  A few weeks later they were selling the trim and organs, before that they were selling something else.   Abby got a job there.  Joe and I went in.  There was a bed next to the fireplace.   Got in it and thought how the blankets could catch on fire it was so close.  I watched smoke curl up out of the fireplace and into the room and had the thought that that shouldn’t be.  Shakee and Leslie and someone else – Roscoe? – came in and caught me lying in the bed.  I was embarrassed but pointed the smoke out  I went to find Abby.  I cojuld see her through a window on the next floor down.  She was doing dishes. very messy.  I went to help her.  She didn’t seem to mind.  Just wanted to get it done.  Water dripped from a faucet into a greasy pan on legs.  There was no sink.  If she moved the pan, the water would just fall on the drainboard which had a very shallow indentation.  She didn’t know if she was supposed to wash it or not.  Then I was siting on a couch.  Some guy put his feet in my lap and wanted them rubbed.  They were sort of mis-shappen.  I was going to rub them anyways and I could sense someone say “how could you touch them?” sort of disgusted like.  I woke up.

Dreamer’s comments:  It just seems to me that there is a lot going on here.  First of all it’s like the store was “above me’…  like maybe i didn’t belong there or felt inferior there or something, although the owners do not make me feel that way.  So maybe some self-judgement going on there as well with the being caught trying out the bed.    All reinforced in a way first by the idea that i belong doing dishes with my daughter and by the comment heard “internally” that expressed disgust that I would consider giving someone with misshapen feet a foo rub.  I must have been feeling judged as “not proper” or “unfit” or something and it’s being reflected here.

Page dated 4/29/00

#1  We were going on vacation to this city.  I could look down on it.  The only trees were in this park and the whole thing was encased in glass – like a hot house or something.  The city was dirty and sick except for there.

#2  I seemed to live in one room.  It had a tiny window.  It was dark out.  I looked outside and saw some kids walking by in the street.  They looked up and saw me.  I don’t think anyone else lived in the house.  I heard the door open downstairs.  I peeked out the door to my room and saw three men going by.  One had blonde messy hair and an earring and gloves with no fingers.  He said they were moving in.  I was scared they might attack me and thought about yelling out my window to those kids and wondered if I could fit through that window if I needed to escape.  I tried to calm myself down – realizing I was judging them on appearances.  Thinking that they might be very nice.

Dreamer’s comments:  Both these little dreams seem to be about making judgments based on appearances.  In the first, there is this whole city that has been supposedly kept clean under glass and yet appears to be dirty despite that fact.  In the second, here are three men who I right away want to judge as “grubby” just because of what they have on and yet it would seem I am being told that the opposite is true in both cases.  

Page dated 4/12/00

This is the tail end of  a dream…  I was trying on clothes.  I don’t think I was going to keep any of them.  I may have been disgusted or something

Dreamer’s comments:  What else is new?   LOL!  I don’t know, but now I’m wondering if  betwen last night’s dream and this one if I’m trying to get rid of bad habits and remake myself….  interesting thought.