Page dated 7-29-00 Dreams Interrupted

This is not a dream but rather a report on a discussion I had with a gentleman I met at a workshop I attended and then written down in my dream journal as follows…

Humans are the only creatures I know of who get to choose whether to live or die…

I once had a conversation with a man whose earliest memory – conscious memory – went back to BEFORE he was born.

He remembered the “feeling” of being in a que – a line of people/souls(?)  – waiting to be born.  Then it was his time and he remembers the feeling of sliding down a long slide – tube – and then seeing the crazy quilt of light patterns as he “flew” over the cities to where he was going.

I think it was Sophocles who said that is was probably worse wanting to die and not being able to then actually dying.

Just something to think about.  I’m sure he’s right on that one.  Or maybe it better to say that I would agree!

 

 

Page dated 4/16/00

#1   I was in the Buffalo airport with Abby.  She wanted to stay there for some reason so I drove to Olean and then turned right around to go back and get her.  I had the thought that I was stupid to let her stay.  Then I was fearful that something evil might happen to her there by herself.

#2  I was in the car with someone who wanted to stop at this house in Arcade or Marcia’s(?) or somewhere.  We stopped but I didn’t want to stay.  I said get the number and you can talk to them on the cell phone.  The nummber was 492-4092 but I kept dialing 492-4096.  Then I called information and they told me the “96” number was correct.

#3  I was in a gallery of some sort in a beautiful white fur coat.  The neckline was square on it, although sometimes it might have changed.  The skin on my exposed upper chest kept going from old and wrinkly to young and smooth.  It bugged me.  I started to walk out.  I was in the lobby and noticed I had/and was trying to hide/ a burning cigarette in my gloved hand.  I was embarrassed and disgusted because I didn’t smoke.

Dreamer’s comments:  #1 – A reflection maybe of my fear for Abby – as her mother – for her to be independent and yet still wanting to protect her and have her be safe…   seems logical to me.    #2  I know no one named Marcia or anyone who  lives in Arcade…  I don’t know about the phone numbers…  very odd that they would be so specific.  Tempts me to call and see if there is such a number and who it might belong to and where it is located.  #3  must be a reflection of my thoughts on smoking and the process of aging.  I smoked for years.  Seems like my mind was busy, busy, busy that night, eh?

1/11/14 Random Thoughts

This is for Dawn who asked me in an email why my toenails were falling off and thus began the following thought cycle….

The fungus got them actually.  I find it so odd that penicillin – an antibiotic – was discovered in mold – a fungus is it not? – (wasn’t it) and if you take too much antibiotic you develop a yeast infection (another fungus is it not?), and today the md gave me a prescription for lamisil which is an antibiotic to combat my toe fungus..  It is all so homeopathic sounding isn’t it?  Anyways, I’ve just begun to notice that as our physical bodies age, things begin to drop off, whether noticeable or not.  We lose toenails, or brain cells, or bladder control, or something.  So I know my mental and emotional control is not as “tight” as it used to be, so I am not surprised to find body parts beginning to fall off!  Here is the thing….  To work those parts….  is that to make them stronger or contribute to their weakness?  Sort of like bending a pipe cleaner in the same place over and over, it will break…  and a rubber band will lose its stretch or eventually dry up and crumble.  And if you keep stretching it, or bending that pipecleaner  I don’t think it helps…  but maybe even contributes to its demise.  So …  is there  a lesson in there somewhere?  How queer am i?  Just contemplating the physicalness of my body and comparing it to the physicalness of everyTHING else.  So fascinating.  so happy i am not my body   i ‘m going to blog this under random thoughts today i think.  thanks for the inspiration!

Pae dated 7/6/01

I am in the kitchen.  I spill white thick salad dressing.  All the lights are out except for a very small night light on the stove.  When I flip switches nothing happens.  I find Joe and say I’ve made a mess in the kitchen.  The breakers must have blown.  None of the lights are working.  Be careful not to slip and fall in the salad dressing.  I’m going to reset the breakers.  He said that’s not right and points to the one little light on the stove.  Just as he does, that light goes out.  I think all the lights have gone out in the place where I find nourishment and I wake up.  What does this mean?

Dreamer’s comment:  I don’t know what this means.  Sometimes these dreams that I’m revisiting pop up at the strangest of times.  I feel like all the lights everywhere have gone out.  Even though I might put my car in drive, it will only go in reverse.

Page dated 1/18/2000

It seems to me the moon is very mysterious.  It has been proven to affect the tides, so why not the blood in our bodies, or our emotions, our intuition, or our fears particularly of things we cannot put words to.  I’m thinking it may affect the degree of paranoia we might experience which may in turn lead to real instances of deception or sabotage and/or attack especially if it’s self defeating.   I’m betting it causes insomnia…  if your blood pressure is high, would not your anxiety, worry about family or whatever, or feelings of insecurity also be running high?  I’m thinking when the moon is full, it might be helpful to consider information contained in dreams, or sudden flashes of intuition along with those offered by logic and reason.  It seems to me answers are found in the whole sum of the parts, even though some of those parts may be considered “hooey” by some “professionals”.   I think I won’t look at the “full moon” (oh oh) with such trepidation anymore, but rather embrace it and look for what it may have to offer.

 

Dreamer’s comments:  Still relevant today as the day I came to this conclusion.  Very interesting.  The moon does hold many opportunities for self discovery if you pay attention.

Page dated 1/17/00

It seems it is best to practice moderation in all things.   Temperance.  Harmony.  Tolerance.   I know this.   I know that I know this.  “Put it in neutral and let’s go!”

Dreamer’s comment:   ????

Page dated 12/10/99

Dreamt I was owner of property in Lilydale.  I was cleaning it.  It was a series of houses – mostly empty….  but one was full of people learning to read cards.  I sat with the teacher.  I didn’t need the cards to read her.

Dreamer’s comments:  It’s funny about reading cards.  When I first started they were a mystery to me because I let them dictate…  took them at their literal meaning and many times came up with “gibberish”.  Eventually, I began to assign them their meaning.. .  usually closely associated to what they were “supposed” to mean, but within much softer boundaries.  Soon, though in turnabout I learned to use them rather than let them dictate to me….  and they proved to be more of a focus for the person being read than a tool for me.  Now I just “know”.  But ONLY if I’m invited!  LOL! 

6/27/99 Random??

Woke with this in my head:  Endlife?  Earthlife?  On Yucatan Peninsula one of the only organizations fighting for saving rain forests.

 

Dreamer’s comments…  where does this stuff come from?  Could it be true? or was it true at the time?  8/31/13

8/30/13 Random thoughts

There are times when it takes everything inside me to conjure love to replace hate.  Since the end of May I have had to learn to accept that I really actually feel hate.  I am capable of that.  I thought I lost that capacity long ago and then it reared it’s ugly head again.  I could not believe it.  I did everything possible…  pray, pray, pray…  think positive thoughts, open my heart and pour it out to the very person I wanted to hold responsible.  Help…  try to diffuse a situation which really I had no part in but which circumstances seemed to put me in the middle of.  I feel as though I lost a whole host of friends.  But now I wonder if they even were friends.  I spent so much time with them laughing and helping and lightening loads as best I could and then one person came along and in what comparatively speaking could be considered the blink of an eye, somehow turned all against me.  And what hurt the most is that not once was I asked for my side of the story.  Actually…  I’m not even sure what the story is.  I don’t believe I’ll ever know.  It’s like shadow boxing I think.  Four months of crying over something I cannot even see…  only feel.  And it hurts.  And it even comes from people I do not even know.  Complete strangers who walk up to me and make accusations I do not understand.  At first I laughed and I shared and then I was cut off and now I’m beginning to think that was part of the set up.  And when I asked why I was cut off I was told I was “weird”.    I’m still praying that I can learn to forgive.  That this is a golden opportunity to love even those who would stick knives in my back and use them as steps to run up and over me to achieve what?  I don’t even know…

8/29/13 Random Thoughts

Thought disciplines are crazy I think.  Maybe just spiritual ones.  When I was younger I was constantly in pursuit of the answer to the question of “What is the purpose of life?”  I was convinced I would find it in some spiritual discipline.  I was brought up in the Catholic tradition and attended Catholic schools.  Somewhere along the line I heard someone claim to be a “recovering” Catholic and I sort of adopted that as something that described me also.  I quit believing at 16.  My mother took me to a tea leaf reader named Mrs. Bramlee who had a cup full of little pictures.  I watched as my mother drank loose leaf tea from that cup and Mrs. B. predicted her future based on where the leaves landed in the cup when the drinking was done.  I was mesmerized.  How could this be?  How could anyone “know” anything based on something so simple?  Then I found out it was a sin to consult such oracles and that  of course made it all the more inviting and I HAD to know MORE and so I studied…  I found out there was more than one kind of oracle – tea leaves – and I learned about every kind I could find out about and before I knew it I became a sort of oracle myself.  I found out I could see energy, I could read patterns, I could see beyond the material and hear beyond what my ears sensed and learned there is/are whole other levels of “being” that surround us and that we need only tune in and be willing to listen to hear and see and sense and that we can know.

I also learned it is easy to be led astray.  That some would like you to think that it is a “sin” to be aware of these other levels…  that there is only one way to believe…  I’m here to tell you there are many many paths…  they all lead to the same place and it doesn’t matter which one you take or when…  that you will probably at one point or another try them all…  what is important is to keep your eye on the prize…  to know where you are going and if you feel that you are wandering off somewhere that isn’t quite right…  wander back.  no harm done.  Never is harm done…  no harm CAN be done.   we all end up right…  every time…  there is so much joy in that one bit of knowledge…  if you never know anything else, at the least know that!