Category Archives: Out There

12/19/15 musings – my many multiple personalities

So last night when I went to bed, I thought about what I had blogged yesterday regarding fear. I did make an effort yesterday to become aware of my fears, obvious and subtle. Holy shit. I am surrounded by it. I am surprised I did not run away screaming into oblivion. It is everywhere which is probably why I think I appear in this body.

Anyways, I put on some of what I call deltasonic music. That is music that supposedly emits delta sound waves which is good for sleeping… calming the brain blah, blah, blah.

I don’t know if it helped or not. This too was an experiment on my part and something I’d never done before but Lord help me, that is who I am and have always been. I have a friend who likes to tell me I am a frequent visitor to the buffet table of ‘how life works’ (which is also the name of an interesting book btw).

So I put this music on and sort of twitched around a little and let go of everything in the interests of letting this sound do it’s job. Well… call me crazy, but I swear I could feel brain cells rearranging inside my head… kind of like gettting rewired. It was a most unusual experience and probably a product of my imagination, as everything is, but I kind of enjoyed it all the while praying I would not wake up more intellectually handicapped than I already am.

When I DID wake up, the first thing I thought of was the experience I had a few years ago of being in two places at one time. I think I’ve blogged about that before, but in case you missed it, in a nutshell (the one where I reside) I had read a book where the author claimed that had happened to him and the whole time I was reading it, all I could think was BULLSHIT! One day that load of bullshit fell on me while at work, literally. I was running a long column of numbers at my desk listening to some jazz cd when before me appeared an old dancing partner who had some time ago laid his body aside. He took my hand and we began to dance to that jazz music (which he introduced me to earlier in this life btw) right there in the middle of the lobby of my workplace. All the while I sat at my desk tabulating my numbers. I remember laughing and telling my friend I hoped I wasn’t fucking up at my job while I was busy dancing.

So that was my first memory this morning and at that point, I realized on that day I was really aware of not two, but three, of me. The one working, the one dancing and the one who was watching it all happen at the same time. I felt around on my head. I was sure there was a blowout somewhere and my brains were leaking out. Is this the real thing, or is it fantasy? (to paraphrase Queen’s Bohemian Rhapsody). I’m telling you the older I get the wierder life gets. I love it all. I love to share it even though one of those that resides in me secretly believes this whole existence is pointless.

I hate to admit it, but I think I might need to reserve a rubber room somewhere. I seem to have developed another personality. Shhh… don’t tell anyone, okay? Still… some days a rubber room seems preferable. I wonder if they serve good drugs there…

Writer’s Comments: This shit that bubbles up out of me from seemingly nowhere… what is that? Where does it come from? What does it mean? What does life mean? What is it for? Is there a purpose to any of it? Hard to imagine there is when you figure you don’t take one blessed thing with you when you leave, except the love you have shared/given. And that info is straight out of an NDE I had after surgery. Yet another questionable experience. I have to say that I’m beginning to believe those philosophers who tell me that I am MORE than I appear to be… depending on which I’s I am looking through! LOL!



Page dated 11/19/98 Snippets


~ Changes     ~ Men with ray guns herd us into an elevator   ~   People are made to lie down to fill in dents in the ground  ~  Some fill in dents in trees   ~  I sat down in a dent and disappeared into somewhere totally different  ~  I seemed to be trying to swim in a dirt pool ~  Very confusing dream.

Dreamer’s Comments:  I have none.  I am speechless…  Crazy but I feel like cleaning my house!   LOL!

Page dated 8/19/98

I dreamt something was implanted in Abby’s tooth? mouth? ear? that gave me a clearer connection to both her and God. There are a lot of illustrations that go with this that I cannot put down here as I am not that tricky with a computer. I can describe the main picture as 3 circles, each one contained in a progressively larger one. There are lots of notes written around it describing each layer. The outer most being compared to a mask of blue/gray, thick viscous material which I experienced as a “dark cloud”. The middle is described as a thin tube, with a small bright bead pulsing through it and which can only be experienced in “silence” as a “listener” and from which all expression of matter emanate. Any form of resistance is experienced as a prickling sensation.

Dreamer’s comments: Too odd to describe really. There are notes written on top of notes that I cannot make out. If I wasn’t who I am, I would think ET had a hand in this one!

Page dated 7/17/95



I am in Rwanda Africa (I don’t know how I know) where they are playing a weird game with prisoners.  They pack a few into a coal car (bobsled style) and send the car to the top of a rickety track (maybe 4 stories high (+ or -) and send the car hurtling down.  If you don’t fly out of the car, the car doesn’t fly off the track and you’re still alive when it comes to a stop, you get to live and you get released.  STRANGE!

Dreamer’s comment:   I agree!  This IS strange!  The first thing that comes to mind is that scene in the second Indiana Jones movie with the mining car on a rickety track.  Maybe I watched that movie that day?  I suppose  I could get all philosophical like I do and think some part of me is a prisoner being subjected to hair raising trials that I must pass to find release but I just can’t think of what that might be.  So I’m just going to let it be what it is which is STRANGE!  LOL!

Page dated 5/21/95

I dreamed there were bodies or a body buried across the fence from a gas station run by an old heavy-set woman.  There was a circle of what looked like mushy oatmeal marking the place.  A biker who lived up the hill behind he station was suspected.  A police investigator got the gas station owner to help lure the biker into a trap I didn’t understand.  There was a bag of gems, a couple of motorcycles and some kind of like a huge pill involved.  I was an observer.  I woke up.

Dreamer’s comments:  This one’s way out there for me.  I do have to say though that the place seems very familiar to me.  I believe I had a dream about the same place once and in it a bag of money was recovered from bushes at that same location.  LOL.  Maybe I should be writing crime stories or something.  This is quite an active imagination I have since I have nothing in so-called  reality that I can relate to either instance!

Page dated 7/12/00

I was at a cocktail party at a very large rich house.  Joe was there too somewhere.  Everyone was dressed up.  I didn’t see anyone that I knew.  Most people were outside on a large terrace.  A helicopter came and delivered Bill and Hillary Clinton to the party.  It didn’t seem like anyone noticed.  Seemed more like something that happened all he time.  I was wishing we could leave and wondering how much longer we needed to stay.  I think we were there because of Joe’s job. Not sure though.  I saw Hillary sitting alone on a couch and went and sat next to her to make chitchat.  She told me all about Bill’s indiscretions (she was plastered) including one with a man who was now a woman.  She pointed that person out to me.  She began slobbering all over me and I was looking for a way to escape.  Then a man walked through the crowd pulling a wagon and a bunch of little army guys in war gear (helmets and guns, etc) got out and spread through the crowd.  The dream was in color but the army guys were in black and white.  Then I saw secret service guys in suits come out of the crowd and begin tracking the little army guys.  I got up and ran into Bambi who was looking past me with her “judgment” look and clucking like she does.  I turned around to find Denise Gagliardo in a shiny white bodysuit lying on the floor doing yoga stretches.  She was teaching them to Hillary who was lying on the floor beside Denise in her light blue cocktail dress.  I woke up.  (Not a clue what this means…  Pretty bizarre!  Am I going to be rich?)

Dreamer’s comments:  Well I can tell you it didn’t mean I was going to be rich!  At least not yet!!!  If you are reading this,  I apologize to Bambi for the clucking comment but you did used to do that…  make the “tch” sound…  I don’t know if you still do.  It is/was a “Bambi” thing that I loved – make no mistake.  I only have a vague recall of this dream…  I have to laugh about the chumminess of Hillary…  as if…..  I suppose if I wanted to go WAY OUT on a limb I could say this was sort of futuristic in a way.  It seems like every time I turn on the news now, one branch of government is spying on another and the “people” are just laying there watching it implode (i.e. secret service vs. army while Hillary & the dental hygienist do yoga)  Or am I just imagining things????    Then there’s the woman turned man and the current LGBT issues….  OMG…  I’m getting carried away…  Too much Calgon!  LMAO!

Page dated 4/23/00 (Pittsburgh)

I dreamt there were chicken seeds in the high cupboards of the kitchen.  Somehow they blew away or something but I got some more chicken seeds and planted them in the back yard.  A chicken tree grew and then I had lots more seeds.  Butchy told me to keep planting the kitchen seeds but I didn’t have any because they had blown away.

Dreamer’s comments:  Chicken seeds?  Chicken trees?  Butchy is a brother in law who likes to garden.  This is an April date, and I am in Pittsburgh….  do you think it could be Easter and I’m thinking of easter eggs?  This is just kind of a bizarre one I think but I know there are others!   LOL!