This morning I received an email from a very dear friend. It consisted of only a subject line “How are you feeling?” This because I have recently fallen and cracked 3 ribs. That kind and well meaning question provoked the following train of thought:
Good morning my friend.
This is where I am supposed to say “I feel fantastic”. And truthfully I do feel pretty good and quite optimistic.
I have a little bit of fear. I am shaky. When I get up from bed, or a chair or anywhere, I have to wait a couple of seconds before I take my first step. Do you think babies learning to walk feel like that? They are fearless, though. They just take off running as fast as they can. I guess I could do that, but… I fear I will fall. Maybe because I know what broken bones and cracked ribs feel like?
Joe tells me I am impatient. He is right, as usual. I am. I am in my “right” mind so I think I am invincible and I can just do what I’ve done my whole life with no repercussions. Right now I am imagining a gentle giant standing behind me, holding both my hands above my head so that I can move forward on two feet without falling as if I really were a baby. Instead I am offered a walker that encourages me to move in a bent fashion like old women do.
Getting old is a bitch. I need to practice doing it gracefully!
Have you ever seen that movie “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button”?
So here is my wierd tale about April Fools Day. All day long, no jokes, okay? So then I’m in bed at night and I turn on the TV and I can’t find anything I really want to watch so I end up watching the NCAA Gonzaga game. I am watching basketball so you know I am desperate. So then I fall asleep and keep sleeping right through the 2nd game. Can’t even tell you who won. Then I notice that it’s time for SNL and I’d heard earlier that Melissa McCarthy was hosting, so I decide to turn it on and see if she is going to do another Sean Spicer. So she does. That is how the show opens…. BUT. every joke is old. She does the Ivanka Trump shimmery bracelet and shoes to die for jokes and the blonde Barbie gets into the country but the brown Barbie doesn’t, both get patted down by the TSA agent in the fatigues. I am not amused or impressed so I start flipping around. MSNBC is a regular lockup show that I know will be on the rest of the night. CNN is that Reza guy that does the Sunday night Seeker show but he is talking to a white couple who worship money… strange… so I turn to HLN which I know always runs the Forensic File shows at night So the first one I see shows a murder scene where there is a shot gun and a bloody hall/bathroom/bedoom. I go back to SNL… still sort of boring so I go back to HLN and they are going through the outside garbage can where they find a woman’s pink robe, a pair of rubber gloves, one leather glove and rolled up inside the bath robe some bullets from like a six shooter that will never in this world fit in that rifle. I flip back to SNL… and they have that wild black woman playing Trump now… Kind of amusing so I watch that for a few… then I am back to CNN and now Anthony Bourdain Parts Unknown is on and he is in India. Some jam packed city where the street is so crowded you can’t even move but it looks odd because there is everyithing in it from an elephant being ridden by a bare naked black baby, to a regular taxi, bicycles, rickshaw type things etc and it goes from color to b&W and in the b&w shots you see people like Ghandi and his followers and overcrowded old trains with people hanging out the doors and windows and on the roof and onto the sides and then it goes back to color and now he is in the country walking with some guy and he has a black rubber glove on his head like a rooster comb, and on one side of the dirt road there is a man plowing a field with an ox and on the other side there is a man with kids on a blue tractor. Back to HLN and they have discovered that there is blood spatter on the robe but it is on the back of it so they figure the murderer wore it but had it on backwards and there are green fibers on the inside front of it that match green fibers of some sweater owned by the supposed shooter… I mean nothing matches… none of the clues, etc. So back to SNL where Trump is now in the Peoples Court suing the judges from the 9th Circuit that struck down his travel ban… Back to Parts Unknown where I see a rack at least a block long of silver colored trays lined up on their edges one behind the next and people are just walking up and grabbing one, plus a spoon out of this huge barrel. Then on to a man who ladles a little bowl of what looks like a thick bean soup and hands it to him. Now he’s met up with this ample woman in Western wear when every other woman has a sari sort of thing on. Then I watch as a man rolls little dough balls, flatten them with a big mallet, hands it to another guy who sticks it to the inside walls of a stone oven and then covers it up… several of these in a row. Then he goes back to the first one, flips the cover off and goes in with a giant wooden spatula and peels these things off the sides and scoops them into a giant basket. They look like little pitas. Another man comes along, picks up the basket and walks around to the various tables thowing these things like frisbees onto the plates that people have taken out of the rack who then begin to rip them up, dip them in the bean soup and eat them while cows make patties right beside them in the road and it keeps going from b&w to color. YIKES!!! Back to HLN and on to the next episode which I figure is going to be real, only this is about a woman who downsizes from a big house to a travel trailer. She needs money… I think she should go over to the other channel and talk to that couple who worship money. Anyways, She claims she sold the house to some guy for $25,000 but he never paid her. In the meantime the house burns down and I mean to a crisp. You cannot recognize anything in it except of course for a piece of paper on the floor where the living room – I think – used to be that is whole and totally legible and is a bill of sale for $25,000. Yeah… right!!! SNL is over now so back to CNN where we are still in India and there are people washing in the pool in front of the Taj Mahol or some other palace. Back to HLN where they are trying to show this very old black man a piicture of a 1963 red Mustang but he will not look at it. They have just found this car under a trestle somewhere. Back in 1963 they found the body of a woman in a shed. She had been raped and stabbed to death, evidently redressed and left there. Last time she was seen was in her new Mustang with a young black dude in 1963. So now they have just found this car, 70 some odd years later in pristine condition and were able to lift prints from the outside of the door. They run the prints through the database but get no hits. So they run them throigh the national database and identify this old black guy. So then they lose the original prints which had been filed in an envelope and put in a box with other identical envelopes in no particular order and this box is 10 feet long. Each fingerprint is on a separate little triangular shaped card and looks like it has been hand drawn. Finally after I don’t know how many years, they find the prints, go to get the guy who now walks with a cane and would probably kill again just to get it up and are trying to make him look at this picture of the car but he won’t. I figure these all have to be April Fools Day shows…. Either that or a really wierd dream. WTF???
So did anyone else see these shows, or did I really dream them up?
The easiest and most effective technique for immediate stress reduction is based on the simple notion of proper breathing. If our breathing is slow and controlled, we will immediately reduce hypertension.
Sit down, relax and close your eyes.
Place your right hand on your stomach and left hand on your chest.
Imagine a blue balloon in your stomach.
Breathe in slowly through your nostrils and feel the balloon in your stomach expanding.
Exhale through your mouth and allow the air to flow freely out of your body.
Repeat 10 times counting backwards from 10 to 1.
This exercise should take about 3 minutes. Practice often.
Eat a proper diet; avoid caffeine.
Take a hot bath or shower.
Find a project around your house you can do from start to finish.
Find a hobby.
Close your eyes for a few minutes. Imagine a happy, relaxing place and go there in your mind.
Do not rely on TV as a tranquilizer.
Take time for yourself every day for non goal oriented activities.
Consider a change in attitude.
Change your expectations. No one is perfect on the job or at home.
Expand your support system.
Find a mentor.
Listen to some enjoyable music.