Tag Archives: LOVE

Page dated 1/2/98

I woke up and distinctly heard a voice say “he doesn’t love her.”

Dreamer’s Comments: No idea who this might have been in reference to. I’m sure I’ve seen many arguments and break ups and heard many sad stories since 1998.  No notes on the page.



Page dated 10/1/98 nap

I came upon what I considered to be a sort of ugly deformed person sitting by a river.  I was sort of feeing bad for her.  She looked up and me and said “Sex is a form of looking for love and acceptance on the outside, when in fact, love is a quality everyone has and is found on the inside. Look in there and soak up so much of it you have leftovers to give.” Then she smiled and turned absolutely beautiful and I instantly knew the meaning of “feel the love.”

Dreamer’s Comments: Even though this dream is 20+ years old, I can still remember it. I have Wow Wow Wow written on the bottom of the page and I still want to say Wow Wow Wow.  I also wrote “is she me?”


Page dated 3/14/98

It seemed I was in a beauty salon with my mother. I sort of had the same hairdo I had in the picture of me and Jim Ratzel going to the prom. Little cat’s eye glasses and big curls on top of my head. The hairdresser was Joe I think. There were some errant hairs on top of my head which he twisted around and said “how do you like this?” I didn’t know. I couldn’t decide and before I could decide, he took the scissors and just cut them off. The result was a very smooth style like my Senior picture. Then we were in a bar. Sue Hatch was there and Claudia Mercado. Later Ray Hatch came in. Sue had hurt her foot and had to go to the doctor in Florida. Claudia was going to Florida. Someone had given me this information and since they were both in this bar, I was going to introduce them so they’d know who each other was and could perhaps work something out. Then Claudia started talking about how she took this guy to Florida once but he never helped with the driving. All he did was sleep in the back seat. It seemed she felt taken advantage of. Then she asked me about this girl in the bar and I took a pen and began to write this girl’s story on the wall. I began “she used to come here. She probably met him right here on this dance floor.” At first it was okay but then little nicks started coming out of the wall. Then bigger and bigger chunks. The wall seemed to be made of foam rubber that was red or rose colored I finished the story anyways. Then I tried to pick up the pieces and put them back in the wall to fix it but you could tell it was damaged and some of the pieces had crumbled. Now I was back in the hair salon and I knew I had to tell the hairdresser what I’d done to the wall but I was afraid to. I was araid I would hve to replace it and it would cost too much and be more than I could afford. I wanted to just walk out and hope nobody noticed and I think that possibly that is what I did, or was going to do.  But I knew I had to tell or I’d feel guilty. Then I saw Ray Hatch walk through. He had only socks on (white with silver accents) and it looked like one foot shapes was different than the other (sort of square). Then I felt like if I left there was something n the cellar I wanted and would be leaving without. But for some reason I felt that leaving without it would bring it out of the cellar and closer to me and I would have it.

Dreamer’s notes on the page: Near where Joe the hairdresser/husband just cut off the errant hairs on top of my head I wrote “Am I letting Joe make decisions for me?” Near the place where I was writing on the wall about the girl meeting someone on the dance floor, I made the note “me?”. I wondered if the wall represented my relationship to Joe, all nicked up, etc. Near where I was afraid to tell I had ruined the wall and it would cost too much for me to replace I noted “not speaking up?” At the end where I was leaving something in the cellar I noted “sex?”.

Dreamer’s current thoughts: As I was reading and typing this out, it occured to me that at the time, I was in the process of letting go of the old and allowing in the new and that it wasn’t always all that comfortable… that change is never easy. I believe I am that wall. That I have crumbled and been rebuilt a number of times on various levels. Even though I am now 67, I believe I am still a work in progress… LOL. I believe we never stop learning if we want to stop and look to see what is going on around us. Very recently I became aware of the ‘religion’ or mindset practiced by the Egyptians who it seemed believed that life was just a preparation for the trip to the underworld, the afterworld, or death. That is why they were buried with all the things it was imagined they would need for their journey. Thinking of the terra cotta army, I’m thinking that the Chinese thought similarly. I am fascinated. Then I think about an NDE I once had where it was told to me the only thing I could take wiith me was the love I’d given. Some days I seem to have great success in embracing all that is and feel like I might be love personified. Other days, it is an exercise just to try to imagine that I am love. Somedays I readily accept the challenge it can present, others I am ready to just commit suicide and be done with it all. Obviously I haven’t done that. It does cross my mind when everyone around me appears to be unlovable. It take a while and real work to get past the ‘push back’ to the place where love lives in some people. I’ll keep working at it. Some days it just ain’t easy….



There is no authority greater than your own.

I believe we are all born as we are to be. I believe that curiosity is a natural tendency that can lead you to your fated destiny. Whether saint or sinner you are perfect. There is no reason to be, or try to be, what you are not. You are here to fulfill a purpose that you appointed yourself to.

No book, no religion, no teacher or mentor, no system of belief can improve what you already are. The freedom you seek is already there just as it is supposed to be. To accept that opens the door to your freedom.

I believe we are all examples of pure love destined to awaken the same in every other person that appears before us in this life. Whether your name is Jesus or Judas, love is exactly what you will teach because that is all there is.

So do not beat yourself up because you do or do not own the world, or you are or are not famous. Trust that what you are and the way you are is exactly right. For whether you are a dogooder or a murderer you are always teaching love to someone near to you in your own unique way. Or go ahead and beat yourself silly! Maybe that is the way you discover your true nature.

Change seems to always be a struggle… have you noticed? To think “I could be better at this or that” and then to take action on it is an exercise in futility and a judgment call. It is a struggle because it runs counter to your natural tendencies. There is no judgment. Things just are and you have arranged your surroundings to come to this realization.

There is no right. There is no wrong. There is only being. So just be.


Discovering HERE

We all have the ability to know ourselves; to express ourselves; to just be ourselves. There are exercises that can aid in gaining access to our innermost selves; areas that are sometimes difficult for us to recognize much less experience. Practice one or two or all of the following and see where they lead you.

A process known as grounding is one way to get in touch with your inner most self. When you are grounded, you can feel all the parts of your physical being. So many times you may experience yourself as scattered or uncertain. Be still and think about every part of your physical body from the bottoms of your feet to the top of your head and everywhere in between. Take a few minutes and check in with every part that you can become conscious of, inside and out. Are you encountering any resistance? This is probably your life force or energy flow being blocked and the place where you experience such a block may be very illuminating to you if you ask yourself “why there?” Try to feel the full extension of your energy as it moves out above your head and below your feet and balloons from your body. There is no need to do anything here. Just experience. Just notice. Anything you may experience or notice is totally fine. There is no right or wrong. It is all just you. It is very important to accept what you find with no judgment.  Make note of anything that ‘bugs’ you if you like but know whatever you do notice is all quite normal and natural.

Another process known as centering can also be a very good tool for expanding awareness of your inner most self. This involves the gathering of your energy field into what you perceive to be the centermost part of your body. It might be around your abdomen, or your solar plexus area or around your heart. Bring your consciousness to this part of your body and call all of your energy to come forth and be present in that spot. Feel it flowing into that area. Where is it coming from? Notice the sensations that follow it. You may experience a change of temperature in that area with it becoming warmer or cooler. Perhaps it will fluctuate with the arrival of each energy stream. Notice which are warm, which are cool, and how you are feeling. Are you more comfortable or less. Does it carry any particular memory with it? Are you feeling overwhelmed with any particular emotion? There is no right or wrong here. Suspend all judgment and just let it be whatever it seems to be.

There are many ‘sages’ who would advise you to do some sort of protection exercise after you’ve done one or both of the above and possibly discovered some spots you might be tempted to characterize as weak, or guilt ridden, or anxiety producing. Perhaps you think  you’ve discovered some continuous problem that you believe can’t easily be solved. You might be advised to isolate and put an energetic wall up to protect yourself from the ‘negative’ influences. Now I am not a sage.  I do have years of personal experience which tells me that to build a wall around a problem for purposes of protection seems crazy to me. Better to apply a dissolution process I think. Well, that’s my personal opinion. This is actually easily done. Just take a good look at what bugs you. Ask yourself “Is this real in the present moment?” It never is. It may feel real right now, but is it happening before your eyes? What are you doing right now that causes you guilt, or pain, or regret? The answer is you are probably watching a rerun of a prior incident that brings rise to whatever negative feelng you associate with it. Building a wall around it does not make it go away. To dissolve it, just realize you are looking at history. Apply the forgive and forget prncipal. I’m not talking about forgiving the person who keeps stealing your parking place so you go soap his windows surreptitiously. I’m talking about forgiving yourself for soaping the windows. Hey! What’s done is done! Laugh about it and let it go. Poof… dissolved. Who needs a wall now? Once you’ve accepted your actions and the consquences, you can move on. Over, done gone. Just decide you don’t want to watch that movie anymore and then if it comes up again, change it! Maybe change the soap to glass cleaner and add ‘sparkle’. How does that feel?

Those are some basic ways to get inside. Once you feel comfortable in there, you may be very receptive to new ideas. You can change your mind about the way your life is progressing and make appropriate suggestions so that your body and energy centers “get it”. Feel the ‘heal’ on every level. You are in a very good position to ‘mine for data’ at this point also. Do you have a bunch of questions along the lines of “why does this always happen to me?” or “what would be the best way to achieve a particular outcome in a certain situation?” or even “which way should I go?” Your inner guidance system is operating at full tilt right now. Take advantage of it.

There is one wonderful truth about all of these exercises. About all of life, really. Nothing is “real” as you may consider what real means. One thing easy enough to remember is that you are actually spirit having a physical experience. So you are operating on two levels. One is as I’ve described here… the very physical day to day stuff which seems necessary to handle and around which you build hopes and dreams, etc., or allow to haunt you. This level is totally based on reruns or past experience and is actually nonexistent in the present moment.   On the other level you are like God. You need nothing. That part of you is perfect. Believe it! And if you don’t believe, it… change your mind and give it a shot! What’s the worst that could happen?

Love yourself. Remember if you act like you are persecuted, you will be and you will be teaching those around you it’s okay to be persecuted. If you act like you are loved, you will be and that is what you will teach. Way more fun!!!

I think that is all I have to say today.


Page dated 1/24/99


I see what looks like two hearts connected at the points. They spin one way and then another.

Dreamer’s comments: I’m thinking this means that I am connected to my husband no matter what happens.


I also dream the toilet needs flushing but there were all these clothes that somehow got into it and I knew I couldn’t flush it until I dug them out.

Dreamer’s comments: It would be nice to think I needed a new wardrobe :o) but what I’m really thinking is that what I need is a change. Clothing projects an attitude. I must need an adjustment!  Have to dig around and find what is stopping me and clean it up!!!

Installment #3 Going Nowhere Fast 7/18/15

After my dream last night, that I blogged about this morning, I decided to take my own advice. Something I rarely do. You might call me one of those ‘do as I say,not as I do’ kind of people.

But I said that little prayer. I asked that I be able to give love and receive love all day today. I discovered something so interesting. I gave my self love. I’m not really prone to do that. I am one of those give give give people and call that love. I discovered that it isn’t. So odd to say that.

What I did discover is that whenever I cut myself slack, the same slack I would gladly grant to others in the name of love but not allow myself to have… When I gave that love to myself, I found I was automatically loving everyone else.

All of a sudden that Jesus teaching that directs “love your neighbor as you love yourself” took on a whole different meaning. I had always looked at it as the golden rule in different words. You know. that “treat others as you would have them treat you” direction. Change that as word to like. Love your neighbor like you love yourself. That was my interpretation. BUT what I found, what I experienced was as I loved myself with no regret or guilt, I automatically found that love going out to everyone else too.  Loving my neighbor was automatic as I engaged in loving myself.

I became blissful and peacefully mired in a totally different concept. I just wanted to yell Oh My God I Got It! Change those words up a little… As I learned to love myself, I loved my neighbor. It was automatic. There was no effort required. There was no annoying habit to get by nor any perceived animosity.  Any imagined difference between us no matter who I thought of was instantly dissolved. It wasn’t even like it dissolved, it was simply nonexistent.

Further proof to me that we are all one. You don’t have to give to receive. That is ass backwards and upside down. You have to receive to give.

So here I am being cryptic and clumsy again.  And again, it doesn’t matter because I understand whether you do or not.  Again I am just trying to share.

Bottom line is love yourself.  Be kind to yourself.  You will feel and see the world lighten up when you do.  You will understand what peace really is.

Jeepers, my heart is full to aching.  It’s almost too much.

Going Nowhere Fast Again!! 7/17/15

So the other day I recorded a dream I had in 1999 about running inside a car that was not moving. I tagged it “going nowhere fast”.

Last night I had the same dream and it morphed on me. It evidently was meant as something much larger. The car represented life defined as my body.

Look around you. Most people go about scurrying through life (the car/body) pursuing some goal or another. Where do they end up? Always, always, 6 feet under or otherwise disposed of. So what did all that running accomplish? Nothing! We will all see the end of our bodies somewhere somehow.

This is just further proof to me that our bodies are not life. We are all so much more than our bodies.

All of a sudden the car is at a gas pump. There are two choices. High octane or regular.  Love or fear. What kind of fuel are you running in your tank? What makes your life really move? It seems to me that putting love in the tank will allow you to stop running and the car will do the work for you. Then when your body stops 6 feet under, you will have really gotten somewhere.

This may make no sense to you. It’s okay because it makes sense to me. I am just trying to share it in my own clumsy way.

Love is the answer. Love will relieve your stress, let you slow down to enjoy the roses. Every morning ask for the chance and the ability to express love, and the openess to receive it. (This second part, the ability to receive it, is very important because many of us harbor a secret belief that we do not deserve it.  That is not so.  We are actually made of love and the more we let in, the bigger we get, the more we grow, the further we go.)  Then watch for the signs as your car begins to really move allowing you (or the body you perceive as you) to rest. Peace can be found here.


It seems to me obsession is a subtle and life changing thing.

If you become obsessed, for example, by your occupation, chances are you will excel at it because that is all you think about and if you excel at it, you will find success.  Actually, you will find success at anything you obsess about because you are giving constant attention to it.

To be obsessed with the finer things in life will bring them to you no doubt.  They may come because you found a way to earn them.  They may come as unexpected gifts.  They may come because you steal, or lie or cheat to get them, but I am convinced they will come.

In some ways, mental health also comes with obsession.  For instance, if you are so focused on a negative experience that it becomes an obsession,  that experience could drive you to tears and depression or in extreme cases even some form of anger or revenge.  In the reverse, if you are so focused on your own rightness to the exclusion of any other opinion, you may provoke revenge or be the cause of those tears and wonder why.

It seems wise to me, to take time periodically (the more often the better) to take a personal inventory of  your obsessions.  It seems to me that something, or someone, will always suffer or get kicked to the curb and passed right by to favor an obsession and it might be something important in the end and it seems to me that “the end” is what is most important since we are all – every one of us – headed there.

I once had an experience some might describe as near death.  It was after a surgery and there was an issue getting me “back” into the physical.  To be away was bliss, but while away, there was a swirl of many important points made – none more important than the message I heard that explained the only thing you can take with you in the end, is the love you have GIVEN.  So all the “things” your money or time or energy may have been donated to while walking this mortal coil will not even count in the end UNLESS it was love that motivated you in the first place.

Some say that the most important thing to do is  live a “balanced” life.  Work, family, recreation should all be given equal attention.  To me, that is not accurate.  It seems to me that LOVE ought to be the main obsession of everyone.   It seems to me that all else will disappear if that is life’s main obsession.  That is because in all instances, all else disappears when there is only one focus, one obsession.

To be obsessed with anything requires forgiveness of everything else.  To me, forgiveness just means to let go of.

So to me, forgiveness is the key to heaven.  Heaven is pure love.  What else can it be?

Pennies and love Happy Mother’s Day! (yeah, right!)

I have a small menagerie of pets. 3 cats 1 dog. All brought into this house by my daughter. So every morning, starting from 3:30 a.m. on, they begin to bug ME – not their owner, but the owner’s Mom – to feed them. One cat who is over 20 literally wails… cries very loud… until I get up and satisfy her urge to have 3 bites. The newest cat wears a bell and is a bit beefy. He runs back and forth across my bed, up on to the window sill, back across my bed, jingling all the way until I get up at which point, he follows me and winds around my feet. The third cat just hangs. I love the third cat.

The dog nudges. If any part of me is hanging off the edge of the bed, she nudges it. Or she licks it. If I am all tucked in, no parts hanging, she paws at the edge of the bed until I get up and let her out and then let her back in and feed her.

Now truth be told, I love all these animals. But I hate getting up at 3:30 or 4 a.m. just to feed them. I’m retired. I threw my alarm clock away. I still have to get up. If I don’t do it, no one else will. I am still the mother.

For mother’s day, my one request was to be able to sleep in, uninterrupted. When asked what I wanted, I just said a day off. I don’t want to feed pets early in the morning, I don’t want to do dishes, I just want a day off from the routine that I cannot otherwise escape.

It did not happen. My crying cat cried louder than ever. I kept waiting for someone to give me my Mother’s Day gift. I ended up getting up just to shut the pets up, let the dog out, blah, blah, blah. This pissed me off. Made me feel unloved and even more taken for granted than usual. I got loud about it and finally someone else got up, AFTER I was already up, and said Oh, I’ll get it!     REALLY???? Too late… the whole purpose was to keep sleeping… to not have to get out of my bed… to feel pampered and to be appreciated for what I do every other morning of the year. I went back to bed, purpose defeated, and feeling mean and unappreciated.

And as I lay in my bed, trying to get my dreams back, I realized if I died right now, right here in this bed, I would die mean. There would be no love at all for those who promised me a day off and did not deliver. This thought haunts me. Some years ago, I had an NDE after surgery wherein I learned the only thing you can take with you when you go is the love you’ve given. I totally believe this. Now I have to live it, even more so than I thought I was.

It’s hard to find an ugly spot on your soul.

Yesterday I found a lot of pennies. My mother taught me “find a penny, pick it up, all the day, you’ll have good luck.” Then there are pennies from heaven. Found pennies, are pennies from heaven. Head’s up pennies are good luck. If the penny you find is not head’s up, turn it over and leave it where you found it, so the next person who finds it gets good luck. I always pick a penny up. I know people who think it is beneath them to do so. It’s JUST a penny, they say. There are lots of attitudes that surround a renegade penny. A penny that has escaped someone’s grasp, someone’s pocket. Anyways, I wondered why I found so many pennies yesterday. Six of them. All different places and times of day. No two together. I wonder what could it mean? Or is it meaningful at all?

I think too much and about the oddest things.