Page dated 1/12/98 Rumination

It occurs to me that the eyes are the portholes of the body. They cannot really see. They are like sonar. They are useful for navigating the body through the realm of the physical. What they see they can move around or over, under or through. They are like sensors for this realm. The real eyes are in the mind which when used correctly experience all of (God’s) creation as the same. Made of the same stuff. Energy. All (God’s) creations express in the manner suited for their purpose. If energy chooses to be a blade of grass it will form in that likeness and the body’s eyes are used to perceive it as such and give it that name. But the mind’s eyes will experience it as the creator energy that it is. The same is true of everything. The body’s eyes are really for navigational purposes only. It seems to me it would be wise to bear that in mind and remember that what the body’s eyes see is not at all what they are really looking at. Perception is wholly true only when perception manifests as experience rather than object.

 

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Page dated 2/3/95

We were off visiting other planets. We stopped at a gas station so someone could get a ligther fixed. While there, Maz pulled up in a very nice car to get gas. I went over and hugged him really hard and thought how wonderful to see him. We then sat doan at a table where a waitress served us cake and brownies. I wanted a second brownie but Maz seemed to be the only one allowed seconds so I stole some of his. Later I was packing to leave and I overheard some elders/leaders/wiser people talking about a sweater I had that they thought I could leave behind. I found it and packed it anyways.

Dreamers comments: already written on the page… I believe this dream was showing me where one’s next stop might be if (s)he were not attached to material items/physical attachments. i.e.: food (brownies), smoking, material items of all sorts. I got the impression I could move higher if I’d leave that sweater behind.

Present comments: So interesting. Maz is a dear friend who passed over 20 years ago. He almost always comes to me in dreams around my birthday (2/4). And physical attachments are one of his favorite things to talk about when he does come.  Not written then, but noted now is how I packed that sweater anyways.  At the time, I would have.  Now I’d maybe have a lunch bag if anything at all.  But I’m way older now!!!  I am attached to people… in particular my daughter and my husband.

 

Page dated 1/10/98

I dreamt I was in a church. It seemed I owned it. The pews were empty and I was plannng or thinking about getting seat cushions to make the attendees more comfortable. There seemed to be four apartments attached to the back of it. I think I was going to live in one of them. I got the sense it wasn’t going to function as a church but was more of a place to gather for workshops. Joe woke me up.

Dreamer’s comments: Again no notes. Around that time, I believe I was looking for income property. I don’t recall looking at a space comparable to what was in my dream.  I ended up with an upper/lower duplex house.

 

Page dated 11/20/97

I dreamt I was going to have sex with this woman. I don’t know who she was. We were in a big building that reminded me of a bank. We were in the upstairs part. We were just wearing these things that looked lke towel wraps. We heard someone coming up/down the stairs and slipped down this little hall. We were staying tight against the wall. We were looking down through this doorway into a big room that looked lke some sort of well appointed board room or conference room. She handed me this big hard penis. A real penis. She asked me to hold it. The minute I took it, it seemed to start to leak and grow flaccid. I tried to hold it very still but it kept leaking and I was afraid she wold be mad at me because it wasn’t hard anymore. She had disappeared. I looked down and found hat I had a penis of my own. It was very limp and very very small… like a limp sweet gherkin pickle in size compared to the one she had given me which was big like a giant normal sized hard penis The next thing I knew we were sitting on a little hill. lke a dike watching a soccer game or something still wrapped in our towels. I woke up.

Dreamer’s comments: No idea. Nothng on the page in the way of interpretation. My first guess here is that it had something to do with being capable/potent  or not being capable/impotent. Pretty weird.

 

11/15/97 (Nap dream)

I dreamt I kept sneaking into the neighbor’s house/garage for something.  Once when I came back home, the TV was on and I  couldn’t figure out how to turn it off.  The phone rang.  It was Matthew (Tony Capito’s grandson telling me he was going away and would not see me for awhile.  I thought that add.

Dreamer’s comments:  No notes on page.  Odd dream.  I don’t know Tony’s grandson enough to where he would call me and tell me such a story.

Page dated 11/13/97

I dreamt Abby was taking me to a dance at her school.  She said she wanted me to be her partner.  They were pairing people.  I was looking forward to who I might get adult wise.  I woke up.

Dreamer’s comments:  I have always loved to dance.  And I do  like to dance with my daughter.  I obviously woke up before I was assigned an adult partner.  But even now I like this dream!

Page dated 10/30/97

I felt quite ‘out of it’ and lay down to take a nap. I had to ask Spirit to slow down a number of times today so that I could keep up. I dreamt that I got into a truck or a utility van of some sort. There seemed to be 2 or 3 children (my ideas or projects?) that got into the back. The vehicle started moving although I was not conscious of stepping on the accelerator and had no control of the speed. I was so close to the dash I could not lift my legs high enough to step on the clutch or the brake. We were driving through some inside place, like a parking ramp sort of but there were no other cars and it had a bowling alley like atmosphere. We were going down hill and sometimes there would be suprising sharp drops and sometimes corners unexpected but I managed to steer safely all the way through. No problem! Then I woke up still very groggy. We ended up in a very large very well lit room. Very Big. There seemed to be elevaotrs in it.

Dreamer’s Notes: In my head I heard (I am Spirit.) All I have is yours. All you see is mine. It seems no matter what I may be confronted with, I will handle it just fine. Not sure, but believe this is a Harrison song.

 

Page dated 10/23/99

Part I

I was going to work at a new job in Hamburg. I could drive my rattletrap car on a very extensive and intricate road system. I knew the way but was leary of whether my car would make it. OR I could take the boat which would be a nice smooth ride and faster only I knew wouldn’t have a car when I got to Hamburg. I elected to take the boat only I was having a hard time finding the dock. There were may paths going to many different docks. They wound down long halls and around pillars which were very poorly marked. I went down the wrong path and when I came back to the beginning, found they only spoke Japanese and I had to go even further back to find someone who who spoke English who pointed me right back where I had been. I returned and was trying to find the right signs when I woke up

Part II

I then dreamt I went to the booth in the parking lot and when they brought me my car it was rand new. No problem going to Hamburg now!

Dreamer’s comments:  There is nothing on the page.  No notes or observations.  My brain is not working properly.  I know I am supposed to write what I think this means, but the whole idea eludes me.  For some reason, nothing is making much sense to me at the moment  Oh dear….

 

Page dated 10/22/97

I had to slam on my brakes really hard to avoid hitting a car in front of me. It was dark and possibly raining. The jar to my body that occured when I slammed on the brakes woke me up.

Dreamer’s comment: There are no notes on the page. I would guess there was something going on that I needed to bring to a halt before someone got hurt. 20 years ago… hmmmm… I can barely remember yesterday!!! LOL!

 

mid 80’s musings

There are certain times in life when nature – human or otherwise – forces a hole to open up inside a person.

Emotions and feelings – good and bad – go flying out into the universe. There follows a mad scramble. A scramble to retrieve those feelings and emotions, especially the good ones.

Sometimes great energy is expended in the form of irrational behavior like worry, misunderstanding or guilt in the quest for gathering those old feelings. But they are gone now for good. Lost in space and time.

There is now a huge gaping hole. An emptiness that must be filled. Sometimes a person doesn’t know that and scrambles ever after the old.

I know… I understand…. I hope my initial scramble hasn’t jeopardized a friendship.

In the meantime, I’ll search for the new feelings and emotions to fill in and complete me. No more scrambling.

 

Today’s postscript: I guess I must have been finding it hard to let go of something back then. Funny how life is, isn’t it. Strange as it seems, I don’t have to really deal with ‘holes’ any more but I do remember how they felt. They left me feeling utterly alone and depleted. I do not believe that age has made me invulnerable to ‘holes’. But I do believe I have a whole different perspective on what they are exactly and a new arsenal of weapons for handling them.