9/4/17

I had a nightmare last night that my best friend and I went shopping. We went to a lot of stores. She was looking for a shirt for her husband and could not find one. We ran into Debbie in a store that was “Christmas crowded”. She was looking for a shirt for Larry. She had driven to a store quite a distance away in Avon (near Rochester) and found one but did not buy it because she wasn’t sure. I began to browse books that were shelved willy nilly so it was taking a long time to look them over. I picked one up called “Lucky Anne” for my sister but then I put it down to look at another and I lost it. When I stopped I could not find my friend OR Debbie. I went to electronics because I had seen them putting up racks there earlier and hanging pants on them so maybe there would be shirts too. My friends were not there so I tried to call Deb’s cell phone to see where they were in the store but my phone would not work. I could not find her number. I asked a clerk there (in electronics) to help me. He looked briefly and then said he could not help me. Then this little kid from a garage sale I recently had that had purchased and then fixed Abby’s camera was there, and he tried to fix it and he couldn’t. Then I went to the service desk and asked the person there and she took it and put it in a bag and hung it on the back wall. We got in an argument and I kept saying “give me my phone back” but she wouldn’t. I knew I was stuck with no way home and no way to contact anyone. I went out into the store and started yelling my friend’s name. There was no answer. I felt panicky and I woke up.

Dreamer’s comment: There was actually only one part of the dream/nightmare that stuck with me and that was the Lucky Anne book. So I texted my sister, Anne, and told her to buy a lottery ticket today. She is driving from NYS to SC so she said she would buy one along the way somewhere and let me know.

 

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Page dated 2/15/95

There is a bean pole of a Chinese guy all dressed in tan close-fitting robes. He has long white hair, a beard and moustache. He is standing in front of a class room. I seem to be the only student. He has a tan pointer and he is standing in front of a tan pull down map which I perceived to be a map of the heavens, or the universe. He is slappng his pointer in the middle of it and telling me what I’m looking for is here.

I ask “How do I get there?” He tells me to think about it. I wake up.

Dreamer’s comments: Notes appear on the next day’s page. 2-16-96 This a. m in meditation, I realize he said think not visualize myself at the place where he had pointed which is how I had begun. So I just began to think about the universe in general. A ‘knowing’ occured to me to breathe it in thru the top of my head and breathe it out through my hands and to practice this all day as much as I can. My hands tingled.

 

Ruminations

This morning I received an email from a very dear friend.  It consisted of only a subject line “How are you feeling?”  This because I have recently fallen and cracked 3 ribs.  That kind and well meaning question provoked the following train of thought:

Good morning my friend.

This is where I am supposed to say “I feel fantastic”. And truthfully I do feel pretty good and quite optimistic.

I have a little bit of fear. I am shaky. When I get up from bed, or a chair or anywhere, I have to wait a couple of seconds before I take my first step. Do you think babies learning to walk feel like that? They are fearless, though. They just take off running as fast as they can. I guess I could do that, but… I fear I will fall. Maybe because I know what broken bones and cracked ribs feel like?

Joe tells me I am impatient. He is right, as usual. I am. I am in my “right” mind so I think I am invincible and I can just do what I’ve done my whole life with no repercussions. Right now I am imagining a gentle giant standing behind me, holding both my hands above my head so that I can move forward on two feet without falling as if I really were a baby. Instead I am offered a walker that encourages me to move in a bent fashion like old women do.

Getting old is a bitch. I need to practice doing it gracefully!

Have you ever seen that movie “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button”?

Love you

xoxoxox

C

 

 

 

8/28/17

I dreamt I was playing games in an arcade somewhere. The game I was playing required me to toss 3 of the same color plastic coins into a small cup in front of a target for credit. There were a whole line of targets numbered one after another. Mitch Simon would hand me a picture card that represented the target I was working on. I would slide that into a slot in front of the target and it would activate. Then I would somehow fiddle with a wire hanging down in front of me and that would move the target to a place I was comfortable with. Jim Hammond was there and he seemed to be laughing at me because I could not do what was supposed to be done. Out of a line of maybe 20 I got the three coins in on one target only. The coins were red and green and blue and looked just like coins that came with a game I had when I was very small. At the end of the line of targets, it took me a while to realize I was out of targets. When I woke up my right hand was in the air and I was grabbing at a card that Mitch was handing me. I opened my eyes and thought I was laying on a cot that was right in the arcade in front of the game I had been playing. It seemed very real and I had to shake my head a couple of times to realize it had been a dream.

Dreamer’s comments: I am on painkillers and have been confned to my bed for over a week now. I am very tired of the monotony and am wondering if the drugs had something to do with the dream. The whole thing just seemed so surreal.

 

8/21/17

I dreamt my bedroom floor was covered with a light blue sheet or blanket of some sort. There was a tall skinny old naked man wandering around the room who kept mostly on the covering. He seemed to have lost his bowels on it in one corner and it stunk pretty bad. He sat down in the middle and began to cry. I did not know him. I assured him that accidents happen and that he did not have to worry about it. I stood him up and sat him in a chair in the corner and he watched as I rolled the covering up, stool and all, and took it out to the trash bin and discarded it. When I returned he was dead.

Dreamer’s comments: Not too sure what this could mean. I fought a lot of inner demons yesterday (impatience, rude behavior, pain reaction).  I spent the morning in the local ER. After 5 hours of pain and nothing happening to help me, I gave up and walked out still in pain from a fall I took earlier in the week. I had told my husband on the way there that I felt like I was going to die that day. Obviously I did not. At one point I had to pee. I rang for assistance time and again and got none. I was found wandering down a hall looking for a bathroom and was asked who gave me permission to be wandering and I told them my 67 year old bladder would wait no longer. Could be that had something to do with producing such a dream.  :o)

 

Page dated 3/21/99

Ordered Tabouli at a stand that was enclosed in a larger building. There were tables all around the stand but still inside. Carol and Tony Capito sat on one side of the building. I was sitting on the other. They came over and looked at my Tabouli which didn’t look at all ike Tabouli. When I tasted it, it tasted good and I ate the whole thing even though it didn’t look like it was supposed to.

Dreamer’s Comments: There is nothing on the page to indicate any impression I may have had after this dream. I will say though, that here I am years later and it kind of makes sense. Tony has evidently been complaining that “our” crowd never calls them anymore for cards or the guys for golf. I think it’s because things just aren’t ths same as they used to be since we all retired. They got very involved in their grandchildren’s lives and never seemed to have time for us so we quit calling. The Tabouli just didn’t look like it was supposed to anymore!!!  Funny how these years ago dreams suddenly make sense.

 

Page dated 8/9/17

I went downtown with Abby. I was driving my old 1964 Mustang but it was white. I couldn’t find a place to park. Abby pointed one out to me and I took it. It was on the street. I think there might have been going to be a parade. It was very crowded. Abby saw a woman she took a class from . They chatted and we moved on. Then Abby told me she wanted that woman to mentor her but she was afraid to ask. I encouraged her to find that woman and ask. At one point we were standing in the alcove in front of a store. Abby turned to Jackie Marcellin who stood behind her and boasted about how good she was at designing. I felt a bit disgusted at how she was acting. Abby and I got separated somehow. I could not find my car. I wandered up and down both sides of the street looking for it. I asked several people if they had seen Abby. Andrew McCarthy told me she took the bus home. I ran into the woman Abby had wanted for a mentor. I told her since Abby would not. She very gently told me no. She said Abby could not take direction, was too opinionated and thought her way was the only way. It was not at all flattering and hard for me to hear. I thanked her for her honesty. I tried to find a landline so I could call home. I woke up.

Dreamer’s comments: Abby is moving to NYC tomorrow (crowded street). It is my opinion that she is not going to make it there (woman’s opinion of her). Her job offered her the relocation. She hates her job although I think she is good at it (boasting). I am afraid. (I cannot find my car and I am too far away from her to help and I can’t find a phone.) I think the message here is to just let go. Let go and let her make her own way without my intervention.

 

Page dated 3/22/95

I went to Toronto with Dawn. For some reason I kept hearing a voice that told me that Toronto was an Indain home. We went to see a movie/show about Indians. I found the whole thing fascinating. Dawn kept flirting with the guys sitting in front of us (they were Indians) I really hadn’t noticed them until I saw people getting up and leaving. I heard someone walking up the aisle say “fire”. Dawn said “yes, there is a fire and we have to leave.” I was bummed. The movie was good and I wanted to see the rest. As we left I didn’t see a fire but the usher said we could not go out the front door where we were parked and to go out the back. I didn’t want to walk all the way around so we stuck to the front door. It was on fire so we found a side door and left. We got in the car and drove away.

Dreamer’s comments: On the page I have noted that my family was going to Toronto in two weeks to see Phantom of the Opera. Dawn is married to a Seneca Indian and I am reading a book about Indians.

One interestng fact since then is that Dawn’s marriage “went up in flames” so to speak and she divorced her Indian and is now married to another man. I got to see the whole Phantom play.  :o)

 

Page dated 10/14/98

I think I am in a large park. I am wandering along a path and there is a pretty wide river to my right. People are rowing boats in the river.

I come upon what looks like a spirit of some sort. I think it looks just like me and I recognize it as a lost soul… MY lost soul. It seems to be talking to me but I can’t hear a word and I get the impression it is like an unheard parent. It talks and talks and seems to be wanting to give me a message but, like a child, I am not listening.

Eventually, it turns upward and seems to just hover in wait for me. I am engrossed in watching the people on the river and also it seems I have something on my mind. I just want to “zone out” and think about what’s going on. I can see inside my body is a lot of tangled ‘string’ with lots of knots in it and recognize this as a problem I need to solve. My “spirit” just silently hovers and allows me to struggle with sorting out what seems like my mistakes. Each time I look, I see it is still trying to talk to me but I still don’t hear a thing.

Finally, I say please either help me figure this out, or quit talking. All of a sudden I am in one of the boats floating down the river. My spirit, lost soul, is in the boat with me. I see the mess inside me begin to straighten out and all the knots are coming loose. I become calmer and know that it is the work of my spirit/soul. I wake up.

Dreamer’s comments: I remember this dream like I had it last night. On the page I have noted “I wonder if my soul feels like a parent and I wonder if it gets as frustrated with me as I do parenting my daughter.”

Here is the thing… what really came out of that dream was a new way for me to ‘move on’ from things that distress me. Whenever I am crazed by something, I imagine myself in a boat floating down a stream. I wave good bye to people/things/events that bother me that I plainly see standing on the shore and let them pass out of my point of view. If things come up that I don’t like, I ball them up and throw them overboard. I do this until eventually I end in a large pool of calm water that gently rocks me in my boat. I am free. I have let everything that bothers me go and left it up river never to be seen again.

 

Page dated 10/11/98

I came upon the same person who was sitting by the river a dream or so back only this time she was strolling down what looked like an overgrown path through some woods. I wondered how I got there. She told me I was thinking wrong and that I didn’t need anything because I already have everything which is the first lesson and I can have any thing at any time. Instant manifestation is a law and then she issued a warning I’ve heard many times, “Be careful what you wish for” and to be prepared for the consequences of every wish. She advised me to practice controlled thinking, conscious thinking. She laughed and continued past me. When I turned around she was gone.

Dreamer’s comments: “I hope I meet her again soon.” is written on the page. “I turned around to ask her what the story was when it came to karma but she was gone.”